Believe it or not, I dated a hot virgin in Bangkok

No shy winks here. Go “Down the Rabbit Hole” for real thoughts from Jessica Rabbit about her very real sex life.​

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE — I know it’s almost impossible to believe that such a person even exists, but everything I’m about to spill about my fling with a real-life 20-something year old virgin Adonis is true. Yep, I found the one hot virgin living in Bangkok and dated him for three long, tortuous months.

Is there a term for being totally blue-balled when you’re a girl? I don’t have a penis, or balls for that matter, but my nether regions were definitely pissed off. Seriously, thinking about it now I can’t imagine how I stuck around so long with no penetration!

It all started one night when this girl I’d just met a few days prior called me to meet her at a LUSH party which was taking place at Grass Thonglor. I was still new to the Bangkok scene and didn’t know my way around town. Somehow I ended up on the wrong side of the city and was about the give up and go home when she threw the bait at me.

“Hurry! I’m talking to the cutest guy at the party for you,” she teased.

I jumped into the first cab that I could find. I totally thought I was going to get laid that night. Boy was I wrong …
Mr. Adonis made his entrance into my life at the party. We talked all night about the meaning of life. He was a silver investor from the United States. That made him more interesting than the writers and teachers that seemed to abound in Bangkok. It wasn’t too shabby that he looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch model too. His towering 6-foot-plus stature, wide shoulders, blonde hair and blue eyes… he was the American dream every girl wants to get her hands on, and he only had eyes for me.

I know there’s something about my “look,” but I think it’s the unwavering confidence (and insatiable appetite for sex) that gets them.

We decided to ditch the party because it was so beyond us “intellectuals” – that was the pseudo connection that formed between me and Mr. Adonis, whose nickname comes from the fact that he’s a total tease. He’s young, handsome, wealthy and searching for his one true love whom he’s been saving his virginity for. These are qualities that just aren’t supposed to exist all rolled up in one guy who actually has sex appeal. Trust me, I don’t know what got into my mind for me to even think for a minute that it was a good idea pursue this guy. Maybe I wanted to try something different, or maybe I just wanted the bragging rights to say I deflowered the last worthy virgin on the planet.

The truth is, I actually believed the relationship would work out. *Slap in the face*

We went back to his place that night and watched a movie on his iPad in bed. It was one of those movies with college kids set in America so at some point the characters were getting it on. As usual I took it as my cue to make a move. We started to kiss but he quickly pushed me away and said he wanted to take it slow. I was too shocked to even feel offended.

In fact, I didn’t really know how to react so I shrugged it off. I settled for cuddling the rest of the night. Something felt a bit off when he kept saying how nice it felt to hold me, as if he’d never held a girl before. It seemed so improbable that the truth didn’t hit me until later.

After a few days of random text messages, Mr. Adonis asked me out to brunch. I figured at least I’d get to see his gorgeous face for an hour. It was only during our conversation that I realized he might be a virgin. So I asked him jokingly, “Are you a virgin?”

“Truth be told, yes I am.” He said with a smile that carried an unmistakable glow of pride.

That should’ve been my sign to walk away or banish him to the friends list forever, but I was also beginning to feel a sense of vain pride that I could be his first.

I have to admit I got pretty swept up in the fairy tale that he offered. Traveling the world (albeit on a budget because who knows when silver value would plummet suddenly), living in a posh condo on Langsuan, and having a hot virgin all to myself! Someone who had saved himself his whole life for little ol’ me? And to top it off, he had a gorgeous dick. Yea, eventually he let me blow him. By then I was so penis-deprived I practically worshipped him.

Of course we fooled around during the course of the three goddamned months we were together. It’s wasn’t entirely a waste of my sexual existence. I actually taught him how to make me come with just his finger and spit. Mr. Adonis refused to put his mouth on it because according to His Holiness, I was tainted by other men and their sexual organs.

We got along fine in those three months, but then Christmas and New Year’s came around and I think his frugality caused him to disappear. The cheap bastard went out of town just to avoid exchanging presents with me. All I wanted for Christmas was his virginity. Was that too much to ask for?

The most horrific thing about the relationship was how it ended. He was offended that I didn’t blow a kiss into the air for him over the phone … that was pretty much the last straw for me too. I can’t do the mushy cheesy stuff unless I’m getting some hard core banging. It was obvious he was upset that we broke up because he bombarded my inbox with slut-bashing Bible verses. Oh, did I mention he was Christian too? Lesson learned.

Go further down the rabbit hole:

10 men you’ll date or sleep with in Bangkok

The night I lost my vibrator charger



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